Mom always had a fixation on correct etiquette, especially at the dinner table. Drove my Dad and me nuts. “Put your napkin in your lap”, she’d admonish. “Drape it over your left knee.” All Dad and I wanted to do was eat. In fact, between mouthfuls, he’d say, “Wilma, let the boy eat!”
It wasn’t long before I realized the inherent flaw in this method of napkin presentation. Have you ever noticed how, if you’re leaning forward properly while dining, any portions of the meal that drop from your fork will unfailingly fall back onto the plate? If you’re more upright, however, as you would be while preparing to give voice to yet another pearl of wisdom, the recalcitrant morsel will unerringly find its way to the front of your shirt. Inevitably it will be a staining food, a stain standing fast in the face of a napkin’s onslaught, dipped in water, and followed by feverish rubbing on your part. Or, if the restaurant is uncrowded, on the part of a woman at your table. Speaking of women, given the nature of their anatomical makeup one would expect this state of affairs to be a common occurrence where they’re concerned, yet, paradoxically, they seem to mostly escape any table fare avalanche.
I don’t know what cloth connoisseur came up with the useless and ineffective napkin-in-your-lap etiquette bullet-point, but I’m here to help. Guided by the “picture is worth a thousand words” maxim, I’ve included an example of the most effective – and, therefore, correct – disposition of the table napkin at mealtime.
A tip-o-the-hat to Buck Cannon (Cameron Mitchell) of “The High Chaparral”.
Chalk Dust 