“I’m so cold…so cold…”

I wrote the following post to my class West Point discussion list a while ago.

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Tonight was Ah-nulled Schwarzenegger night at the movies. I watched Conan the Barbarian since I hadn’t seen it in quite a while. The film about Robert E. Howard’s timeless character was filmed in Spain, some 16 years after Clint Eastwood’s initial dabbling with marinara sauce. 

Notably, the film features Nadiuska, albeit in a silent and, regrettably short, appearance. Her treatment at the hands of James Earl Jones’ Thulsa Doom…well, suffice to say, if I could have stepped into the TV I would have killed the sonofabitch myself.

With an interesting plot eased smartly along by Basil Poledouris’ music, as well as fulfilling quantities of graphic violence and nudity, Valeria’s prophecy waxes poetic:

“Do you want to live forever?”

I’ve always thought that the U. S. Army Rangers should engrave Thulsa Doom’s warning as a creed onto their unit coins and above the entrances to their barracks and mess hall:

“Infidel defilers, they shall all drown in lakes of blood.
Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. 
Now they will learn why they fear the night.“

Then again, it may be a bit too harsh for today’s sensitive and socially cognizant army.

Schwarzenegger’s sword Kata on the sands of the beach remains artful and compelling.

My personal favorite part  (it’s hard to choose) is Conan spilling the cauldron of body parts against the backdrop of Poledouris’ Kettle Drum and French Horn dominated music, a powerful scene leading to the final disposition of Thulsa Doom.

James Earl Jones’ acting is, as always, above reproach. The women are beautiful and the men are By God men…well, except for one priest. It’s enough of a combination to make for an evening’s engaging entertainment. Rated “R” for pretty damn good.

Oh, and did I mention that Nadiuska is in the movie?

And Sandahl Bergman?

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“Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.“

~ Robert E. Howard

Revisit this cinematic achievement. Enjoy!

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Dempsey 🌵